I’ve been back on Minnesota soil for about 4 full days now. It’s been so fun, relaxing, and re-energizing to be around my family, around familiar places, taking my favorite bike trails, and reliving old, fun memories. STILL. There are some things that keep resurfacing in my mind that I can’t believe I didn’t notice before. I’ll write about it here so that I can stop annoying my parents and friends every time I think about it.
- People are SO friendly and chatty.
- Sugar is literally covering everything we eat
- We are attached to our cars
- The sunrises and sunsets are more beautiful here (probably because you can see the sun)
- TV commercials are convincing me of all these new diseases I have
- There’s a lot of water in the toilets.
- I only learned how to use silverware as an adult because we eat with our hands
I felt so lucky to visit the apple orchard we’d always go to as kids with the whole family, to bike with my dad to the city hall & vote, to make apple sauce with my mom, to drive with my brother and sister, to sit around a bonfire with my high school friends and laugh so hard about nothing just like old times, to visit my university in Wisconsin & witness all of the amazing changes and improvements, to visit my other home (Luna cafe!) where I learned a lot about service and working long hours for smiles and granola, to cry with my friends about our quarter-life confusion and congratulate eachother about our progress, to get buzzed off of two beers (so not like old times when we could tolerate alcohol!), and to sleep on my friends’ couches and beds and really reconnect. That’s what this visit was about, and also because 11 months is too long to not have hugs from the people who shaped me.
It’s something special to be able to go home to the house I grew up in. I realize now, at age 25, that my family really created a beautiful and amazing environment for me to grow in. Not only did they encourage me to pursue whatever I wanted (including acting classes, professional careers in tennis, softball, running, cycling, dancing, etc.) but they really established the value of spending time with people and acknowledging others’ dignity. My parents didn’t care if I didn’t win, if I was actually terrible at acting, or if I was never on the varsity team. They did care however if I was trying my best, and if I was using my powers for helping people, not hurting them. “Do your best” was more of a mantra than something I understood at the time, but now coming home & seeing what an oasis it is to be surrounded by love, support, and the comfortable feeling of knowing that you’re accepted, included, and loved no matter what you end up doing is definitely the source for a lot of my success.
It’s hard to come home & see things gradually changing without me. In some ways, everything is the same- a lot of the routines, the stunning sunsets over the cornfields, my favorite dirt roads & steep hills & smell of manure in the morning, and also the love that still fills the rooms in our house. I do however feel helpless and maybe even guilty that I’m not home more often to see the changes that scare me. It’s natural that people get older and maybe lose the motivation to go for walks or find new recipes to incorporate healthy and varied food, or even doing something different or special to show that you care about someone. In a big way, I have to accept that I’m choosing this life to live abroad. Don’t get me wrong, I love the opportunities and learnings that I’m experiencing here. However, I also have to make the most of this situation of going back and forth, and only seeing the big changes when I’m there in person. Skype, snapchat, and messaging helps keep us updated, but the deeper questions, insecurities, and connections are only surfaced in person. At the same time, I love entitling myself to just jump into those conversations when I’m there. It’s with my friends too. Since I know I won’t see them for months, it’s so important that I don’t hold those juicy questions back, really digging for what their challenges are, how they’re really feeling in this or that relationship or job, what they really think they want to be doing. I love being able to dig into these conversations when we have our coffees, and I don’t think I do that even with the people I live around in Stockholm so often, nor did I do it as often when we lived close by. I can ask them, “Are you doing your best?” and really walk through what they’re going through. I love that. I want to be doing that more everywhere I am, and I want to bring that joyful and safe environment that I remember so well to everyone I meet.
So that brings me to this new …thing/project/program/job I’m up to these days…I’ll post it in a new blog though!
Maria's happenings 